April 11 2007

I was just watching a stand-up comedy by this one guy on Comedy Channel.

And I couldn't help but to think that I have a hard time justifying statements just like this one he just made; "maybe if I'd obeyed more, maybe if I'd done more good, God wouldn't have let this happen to me."

Coincidentally, I'm also reading a book called, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People" by Harrold S. Kushner, in which the author deals with the issues along the same line as this.

I sympathize and morn with those who morn about their trageties and hardships. It sucks to have terrible things happen to you..But I still have a problem with our measurement of God by OUR standard. I just have a problem with the thought process expressed in the comedian's statement, and with those who cannot justify God's existence for reasons as such; "life is not fair, God shouldn't let bad things happen to good people, why do bad people go unpunished? It's not fair. That's why I don't believe in God."

I can totally see why they'd think that way, and again, I sympathize with them.

BUT, I have a problem with such views that portray God as our school teacher or a nursery worker.

If indeed we performed good deeds only for the reason of good things being returned to us, then, I'm not sure if it'd be described as purely "good deeds".

Our perception of both good things and bad things are so warped that I feel as though what the general public thinks is deserving of our deeds is just not justifiable to me.


For example in the U.S., I feel as though people often associate a loss of luxury or comfort as a terrible event.

Is it?

I'm not sure if it is that "bad".


In my life, I can truly say that the best of me has come out of absolutely the worst case scenarios. Not that I wish for them in every minute of my life, but they sure have been the greatest wake-up calls in the past. I would often start to challenge, re-evaluate, and re-shape myself out of these unfavorable conditions. It's never easy, and it's never pleasent going through it, but it's true. They have been the greatest growing times.

On the other end, I have also been blessed with many, many "good" things...anything from financial securities to mindful, intelligent, talented friends to great health to this independent lifestyle of mine. Those are all great things for which I'm always thankful.

However, once I would start to place my focus on protecting these...once I would start to measure my values according to how comfortable I am...once I would start to place my identity in these, I always became complacent, prideful, and undisciplined, but by far the worst of all, became frustrated with EVERYTHING I was doing, and I could never figure out why.


I'm sure it was because earthly things are unsatisfying at the end.

Persuit of "good life/good deeds" = God AUTOMATICALLY rewarding us with "good things" does not equal right perception of truly just, caring God in my mind.


I think true God is bigger than that very human logic of ours.


If that is our view of God, then, I must say that he's not anywhere near perfect. God that our minds have made up according to our measurement of what is good and bad is not anywhere near the type of God I would like to follow and worship.


I'm not sure if we can reach God by ourselves on our own strengths...

I tried to reach Him by performing "good deeds", truly believing these things would be returned to me in 10 folds.

I did that for years and years...but it only let to misery and confusion at the end.

Our good deeds doesn't guarantee anything. Our daily occurances do not and cannot reflect the true nature of God the all-mighty that I believe and want to believe in.

I really think our perception of what is good and bad is warped...so you can't judge God from that.

And that's why I have a hard time with statements as such.

April 9 2007

Draft:

Things I learned today from talking to Grace about her previous experiences in her life.

-I used to look down on MSN articles and other dating related materials which would often state things like "Dating tip #1: Never mention the word, 'marriage'..." etc.

I did that pretty much assuming that (and those articles would often agree with me on this along with many many unfunny comedians with similar routines regarding this very issue) guys can't commit, they hate commitment, they want to sleep with as manh women as they want, whenever they want without any strings attached. So, I dismissed it and disrespected it completely.

I still agree that parts of it are true, but I've come to realize a bigger truth to it...that I was hasty in my judgement. I was wrong at least partially. I don't know the intentions and how much wisdom these writers actually have, but I know for me, personally, I was missing some truths to it.

See, I spent the majority of my teenage and college years here in the southern United States, where the unbalanced ideas of marriage and legalism of Christianity hugely dectate.

I have been a victim of this culture. And I didn't come to realize it till just recently.

I believe many of my friends are still stuck in it.

Marriage is not the answer.

If you are a young single who professes to be a "christian", the pressure is enormous. And they are basically taught marriage is the answer.

No, it's not. But at the same time, singleness is not, either.


My understanding up till talking to Grace about the issue also had been that, once you reach a reasonable age, you marry. You ought to. It's the most natural, logical process to many of us struggling young adults. And once you do, no matter how tough it is, you commit to it. You, as a man, provide financially and create emotionally, physically secure environment. You, as a woman, educate the children, create a pleasent living environment, and bring emotional stability to your home blah blah blah, and you get constant sex in the process as a reward, plus you have a nice companion all throughout your life, you won't feel lonely etc etc.


It sounds nice. It did to me as a young single christian working at a local church.

What I didn't realize was this,

-The focus should be and the truth focuses soly on this; relationship is all about stability/trust (just as Grace put it), not status.

-Our perception of marriage is warped. Completely warped. It does not solve anything. Maybe we think it's the "best thing", typically economically convenient situations and cultures, like in the south where things are slow and cost of living is so low that the man can basically have a minimum wage job to support a child since the parents, the relatives, and the grandparents live so close, and they can stay with you and help you. (So if not, what do you do? You get a job, you build a career, you try to stay above water, you work and work and work...sounds great right? The motive behind it doesn't sound bad, either, right? I was in that mentality as well. And I was goin to do it no matter how hard it got...then I came to realize, that is just mediocre at best. And I don't want that.)

But, no. Marriage-commitment-work lifestyle is not the solution. It doesn't solve anything. They don't seem to realize that it doesn't offer the real solution to the heart problem...so in a long run, it doesn't anything...and the pattern of thought and the lifestyle repeat itself sooner or later whether it be this generation or next generation. It's merely a cover-up to the problem.

I just don't think it's right to get married just because you can afford it, or "it's about time for you" anymore.




Actions are just manifestations of the void in their hearts.

All of our issues are definitely at the heart. It has to change.

I know mine needed to. It was tough, but I'm glad it's happening.


Say, you sleep with a girl, and because of that you ought to follow up your actions. So, you commit yourself to her because that's the right thing to do. Right?

It sounds great, it sounds honorable. but no. It's still a cover-up. Commitment without true understanding is just a cover up. Your heart is still the same. You are basically enslaving your life to your wrong idea.


At the same time though, this is not an excuse for your selfish actions. This does not constitute the right to go around and sleep around, abort babies, etc.

Point is, righteous living. Point is, stable relationship not just with your partner but with every human being around you, the natural way, the way the life ought to be.

See, if I completely cared for each individual around me, I doubt that I'd want to take such a careless action and go sleep around.

Say, you want sex. But at the same time, you are trying to "live right".

The answer is this; no, not marriage; no, not remaining single, either. The answer is, pursuit of HARMONY with all humanbeings.

The person you are completely compatible to, those people will naturally come up as you focus on this lifestyle. It's as natural as breathing. Just don't lie about yourself in the process of getting to know that person. Do not hide, do not lie. Be honest. Be honest about who you are, what you are. Let them know. (We know we lie because we want something that they wouldn't give otherwise.)


-Marriage is a glorified, idealised term for a relationship made, taken to a political degree especially in this corrupt society. No, I'm not implying that marriage is for suckers. My point is to be victorious in your process of building harmony with every person around you. (If the evil can deceive us on any humanly pure matter, wouldn't you think that our idea of marriage just might be wrong or corrupted as well? I think so.)


I see that our views on marriage just might have been very disillusioned. I feel like it's become merely a gimmick. And many (sadly the majority of them are conservative christians!) have bought into believing all marriages are pure, but, look at it, it's not even sacred in many cases. We often see marriages that are just not how it meant to be, like the "I knocked up a girl" cases I brought up as an example earlier).

It's the quality of the relationship that is being built in it, that should always be the focus. Not the status. Status doesn't mean anything!

Yea? you've never cheated on your wife/girlfriend? So what? Still your marriage can be misrable deep inside. Have you really gotten to know your spouce on a completely different level ever since you've gotten married? Do you have a completely renewed, fresh perspective on your mate? How about the world? Are you mechanical about your marriage? Just some thing you have to "do"?

Again, status doesn't mean anything. So, where are you in your development and understanding? The quality of human life won't improve without being challenged in that way. Your mind has to develop. Otherwise, you are just like an animal!


That's not a successful marriage if you are focused on just maintaining that status. It's mediocre at best. And that's not good. That's not victorious.


My young working adult friends, I didn't realize this...


Once a successful, rich, mature relationship brings in the issue of considering marriage, (again at least in this sinful, fallen world) you are now bringing in the element of politics into your relationship. It's almost like, you two are starting a busines, you are taking on a task together. (Thus, it often gets neglected on the quality part.)

Marriage is a task. It's all the other things in relationship, plus a task. It's a God-given, God-ordained task, like working...a human mandate God gave us.


(Now it makes sense why our married friends always told me, "marriage is tough".)


It deals with relationship on a whole another level. It's not like dating at all. And just because you and your partner have been successful in maintaining your relationship doesn't mean it's just logical that you get married.

What is your goal in it? What are you going to accomplish through it? What are your callings in your lives? How are you going to support each other in it?

It's way more than what I percieved as the "natural direction a relationship should go" (sometimes it is, and it is very very clear when it is...but very rare.)

No wonder why Apostle Paul said what he said...remain single if possible.


Don't listen to the lies, friends.

Persue HARMONY...a genuine, caring, supportive, stable, secure, trusting relationship with all. That's the goal. Take marriage completely out of your equation. Get it out. You are to make peace with ALL MEN.

Marriage is a God-ordained, human-mandate thing. Don't adultrate it. Don't dilute it. Don't water it down. Don't abuse the privilege of it. Take your time. Think through. Is it the answer? Is it really fit for the time and the place in your life? If not an definite yes, don't mess around with it. And then, don't go start looking for it all over again. That's where the problem begins. You can't physically look at your naked, filthy, dirty, imperfect, incompetent, insecure self...in fact you want to cover it up by being with somebody who'd tell you "you are the best" etc...or at least you attempt to gain their approval.

I'm writing this because I struggled with this issue for a long long time, and I suffered. It was misrable going through the whole experiences of usual dating, committing, compromising, contemplating marriage, walking away from traditional teachings of Christianity, self-indulgence, more compromise, etc...

And it sucked. I just wanted to live free. I just wanted to quit having unhealthy doubts in my mind.

So, lets change our ways. Let's stop confirming to our old ways of thinking.

Let's stop hurting ourselves. Our lives gotta be more than what it's been up till this point.


I started to finally...and I'm feeling much much better day by day.

Somehow, someway, always inspirations I need manage to find me. And I'm very thankful.



Special thanks to Grace and sharing with me on her experiences and how she see it all now.

Thanks to Christ, the life-force, for personally inspiring me with the way you lived and the way you spoke what you spoke...thank you for the last 7 months of my life and all the experiences I've had...thanks for all the people involved in it. Thank you all for always putting up with me. I'm learning a ton.

My thoughts ATM

Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.

Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge.

Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; And you who have no money come, buy and eat.

Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost.

Why do you spend money for what is not bread, and your wages for what does not satisfy?

Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near.

And He will have compassion on him, and to our God; For He will abundantly pardon.


"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For my yoke is easy and My burden is light."


"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are my ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth and making it bear and sprout, and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;

So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;

It will not return to Me empty,

Without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it."


Lord God, hallow be Thy name, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Thank you for your daily bread to us today.

Thank you for forgiving our debts. We will forgive our debtors.

And thank you for not leading us into temptations but delivering us from evil.

For YOURS is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

Amen.

Psalm 51:1-4

Matthew 11:28

Isaiah 55:1-2, 6-7, 8-11

Cool way to do graffiti...lots of potential to do many other things I think.

Letter to my old friend...

My days here on earth are numbered...

I will not be here for too long...

I have seen under the sun that in the place of justice there is wickedness and in the place of righteousness there is wickedness. I said to myself, "God will judge both the righteous man and the wicked man," for a time for every matter and for every deed is there. I said to myself concerning the sons of men, "God has surely tested the in order for them to see that they are but beasts." For the fate of the sons of men and the fate of beasts in the same. As one dies so dies the other; indeed, they all have the same breath and there is no advantage for man over beast, for all is vanity. All go to the same place. All came from the dust and all return to the dust...

Then I looked again at all the acts of oppression which were being done under the sun. And behold I saw the tears of the oppressed and that they had no one to comfort them; and on the side of their oppressors was power, but they had no one to comfort them.

So I congratulated the dead who are already dead more than the living who are still living. But better off than both of them is the one who has never existed, who have never seen the evil activity that is done under the sun...

I have seen that every labor and every skill which is done is the result of rivalry between a man and his neighbor. This too is vanity and striving after wind. The fool folds his hands and consumes his own flesh.

Then I looked again at vanity under the sun. There was a certain man without a dependent, having neither a son nor a brother, yet there was no end to all his labor. Indeed, his eyes were not satisfied with riches and he never asked, "And for whom am I laboring and depriving myself of pleasure:" This too is vanity and it is a grievous task...


So I said, "Wisdom is better than strength." But the wisdom of the poor man is despised and his words are not heeded. The words of the wise heard in quietness are better than the shouting of a ruler among fools. Wisdom is better than weapons of war...

The words of wise men are like goads, and masters of those collections given by one Shepherd. But beyond this, be warned; the writing of many books is endless, and excessive devotion to books is wearying to the body...

All is vanity.

Oh man, what is good?

Guard your steps as you go to the house of God and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on the earth...

Eccl. 3:6-4:12 12:11-14
Micah 6:8

You gotta be doin somethin...as much as you can

So, here is the list of things I want to do or I know I'm going to do before my life is over.

1. Play at the Binions casino's poker tournament table.

2. Make a documentary film on culture and universalism and send it to Current TV.

3. Buy my mother a nice condo.

4. Learn to speak another language fluently.

5. Enter a speech contest.

6. Write a comedy.

7. Meet Lauren from The Hills.

8. Swim in the Mediterranean sea.

9. Add a middle name to my name.

10. Give away my entire one month paycheck to somebody.

11. Blow away my entire one month paycheck in one day.

12. Go see the Grand Canyon.

13. Travel to Israel and see the Sea of Galilee.

14. Go to Niger as a volunteer worker.

15. Take only a bottle of water and a knife to camp out in the mountains for 5 days.

16. Travel through U.S. Route 66 and eat a steak in each state.

17. Become friends with Russell Simmons.

18. Go tryout for a MLS soccer team.

19. Take a Marshall Arts class.

20. Take a minimum wage job in a country where i don't know one word of their language.

21. Spend one full day at a high end spa.

22. Hang out with Larry David for one full day.

23. Become a demolition derby car driver.

24. Go to Stockholm Sweden.

25. Just disappear one day.

26. Take a girl out on a boat ride at night in Venice Italy.

27. Live without a phone for a month.

28. Live without a car for a week.

29. Get a dog or a cat.

30. Have my ashes scattered in the outerspace.

31. Truly fall in love.

You gotta be doin somethin...and

Sometimes you do too much.

Let me tell you what an evenful day looks like to me.


Feb. 13 2007

4:00PM - Market Close.

4:01PM to 6:31PM - Eat, play poker, go through chart scans, discuss with my trading buddies, watch TV and kill my time.

6:32PM - Leave for soccer.

Around 7:20PM - Lighting strikes literally right above us. We all run off the field scared to shitless.

Around 7:21PM - I come to realize somehow my car's been locked with my keys inside (I left all my belongings in the car since the weather was not looking too good.)

Around 7:38PM - It is poring raining. Mike and Rob were nice enough to help me out. Mike decides to hang back with me. After vaious attempts and alternatives, we end up calling the locksmith. (I was pretty much screwed cause literally everything was in my car...my apartment key to get to my spare car-key, my sellphone to call my apartment emergency help, my wallet, etc.) I wanted to try that Tennis Ball Method to open the car, and Mike thought I was completely nuts.

7:50PM - The locksmith still no show so we call back.

8:14PM - The locksmith still no show and Mike's wife calls to find out what's goin on.

8:32PM - The dood finally calls and finds us. I get my car unlocked. The temperature is down to about 52 degrees. I'm in my soccer shorts and a soccer jacket, all soaking wet. It feels about 30 degrees.

Around 10:00PM - I start watching TV after my shower and a meal.

11:00PM - I leave the TV on and I see Sex and the City is coming on. I watch it. I tell myself "dood you are such a ghey. yes A GHEY. it's one thing to be a metro, to watch it and enjoy it is another." I watch it anyway.

I tell myself, "But I'm definitely goin to bed at 12:00AM, I'm gonna read and go to bed."

12:00AM - I see that I Am Sam is coming on. It catches my attention because the setting is that a handicapped guy is working at a Starbucks. I watch it. It is scheduled to end at 2:30AM. I'm in a serious dilemma now. Movie is interesting (or at least the opening was.) I can't stop watching.

I get online to see if this thing is gonna be playing anytime soon again. It's playing at 10:00AM on Wed. during the market hours. Not good.

I'm now thinking I'm not getting to bed till 2:30AM.

Dammit.

That means I'll probably end up fallin asleep or taking a nap tomorrow afternoon. That means I'll probably have nothing really interesting or significant happen during the day tomorrow.


That means I should just go ahead and get on here and write the damn blog.


Good thing I have his incredibly flexible lifestyle.


Now it's 1:00AM.


And as I glance at the TV screen, I'm starting to think this movie is getting slower and pretty boring.


I've changed my mind, and I'm goin to bed NOW.


And that's how my busy, eventful day looks like and ends.

I don't really like it like this, and I wanna be able go to bed at a reasonable time even though I don't have to. This has been too eventful for me.


life is a gift though. Truly...




Even when the locksmith leaves you with a $45 bill. What a bitch.

you gotta be doin somethin...but...

Today I'm doing too much.

I've already had 7 trades on my account.

Like I said, the market was just completely dead yesterday that I figured it was a confirmation to the fact that my trading career was coming to an end.

And then all the sudden today one of my stocks INXR...

As I'm typing this, I'm starting to get bored with what I'm typing here.

All I gotta say is, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" - One of those Italian Mafia films


Check out Frankiy's board on Ihub.

http://www.investorshub.com/boards/board.asp?board_id=8338

(Link option is not working somehow sorry for the incovenience.)

INXR needs to go.


I can't stop watching these clips either.







Be blessed.

You gotta be doin somethin...

And that's why I JUST decided to start writing what this generation calls a "blog".

I've noticed that many people often freak out when they discover that a particular friend of theirs is a "blogger".

Other than the fact that a lot of bloggers seem a little computer geekier and nerdier than usual, I don't see what the big deal is. Ones who freak out are the ones that intrigue me really. I don't understand most of their thought process. When they DO have to express themselves in writing or speaking, it's usually pretty boring.

I think you can identify here. Right now. As you read my freaking BLOG.

Anyways, the OTC BB PINK stock market has be extremely slow here lately. I have not had a solid win in a while either, however, I'm optimistic. I've found a method that works for me, and I think I can make a solid gain here this week and next week.

Since this particular market sucks really bad right now, I've decided to go back to sticking with $1 and over bounce plays and chart plays AWAY from OTC BB PINK market. So watch JADE, FEEC, REFR, NTRZ, and BVSN this week. Let's see what happens.

I'm still holding PLYCF, INXR, and EFSF. Will see what happens...

I found a really cool channel on my cable. (By the way, I hate having to pay close to a $100 for those channels plus roadrunner.) It's called Current TV. Apparently they have a strong online presence and exposure. Very cool stuff. Very young, progressive in thinking, cross-cultural, and educational. It is current as it is the name of the network, but I'd say they are more ahead than current. (i.e. They had Banksy the graffiti artist on there today.) It's been on my screen ever since I found it this morning.

Fit TV was showing a documentary on what NAVY SEALs go through the first two weeks of training. I love that also.

Their emphasis was on teamwork-trusting your team, attention to details, and "it pays to be a winner". The drill surgents kept referring to that "winning is a conscience decision you make", "winning is a decision you make in your mind".

I'm very exited to see where I would be a month or two from now. I could be in various places....and I'm just exited to find out soon.

Thanks to the Creator, who was/is the beginning of all things...

Thanks for the gift of life.

Be blessed.

If you guessed them all correctly, I'll send you somethin cool.